Experimental Oneshots: Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man
by Victoire Lupin
Summary: Temari can't help loving Hidan, despite their rocky beginning. HidanTemari, because they ROCK. Reviews, especially constructive criticism, greatly appreciated.


Song: 'Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man of Mine', from Showboat.

Challenge: No spoken words.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or the wonderful musical 'Showboat', from which the song came from. I own… my wonderful hoodie with a picture of a dragon on it. And that's about it.

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**Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man of Mine**

Temari wasn't sure why she loved Hidan.

It sure wasn't love at first sight. When she had first set eyes on the man, it was right after he had been expertly sewn back together by the doctors of Suna. Some bits of him had been discovered by Sand scouts, and the whole thing amounted to a swearing, grumpy (but incredibly handsome, she had to admit) man yelling about heathens and being tainted by their unclean hands.

She just had to respond to him sarcastically, of course, and her caustic remark had caused their first argument- right in the middle of the hospital. Hidan had been tremendously surprised- her wind attacks had, quite literally, blown him away. His scythe had been whipped away with one stroke of her fan, and before he knew it, a smirking Temari was standing over him.

She had seriously damaged the hospital with the gusts of wind, unfortunately. As punishment, Gaara had sentenced her to be the caregiver and guard for Hidan. Both ninja had protested energetically, but Gaara had simply glared at them and drawn Temari aside. He warned his sister of the importance of watching over the foul-mouthed man, and told her Hidan's whole history- Konoha had kept him updated on the Atkatsuki members.

Temari responded with the necessary disgust at his sordid past, of course, but inwardly she was rather impressed with the ex-Akatsuki.

Her respect somewhat lessened, though, as days passed. He would complain about the spare bedroom, where he slept, trail her around all day, and- when she forced him to- make her supper, never ceasing his endless string of obscenities.

They hated each other at first, to be honest. Temari was fed up with being followed and Hidan was fed up with following. Their frequent battles- whether verbal, taijutsu, genjutsu, or a combination of the above- kept half of Suna awake at least every other night. The two knew exactly which buttons to press, and many hours were spent insulting each other's religion, family, weapons, and gender.

Gradually, however, it had turned somehow different- while they still argued, their fights were more playful, both enjoying the give and take. While most citizens were convinced they'd end up killing each other, the two in question knew better. They'd confide secrets nobody else would understand- Temari would never forget sitting beside Hidan on a sand dune, watching him idly trace patterns on his scythe as he told her of his wavering faith in Jashin. In return, she confessed her continued fear of her little brother, despite his change of heart.

The two friends supported each other all through Hidan's withdrawal from his religion and Temari's bonding with Gaara. While on the outside they screamed away at each other happily, inside they were planning how to protect him from the Akatsuki- for he had no wish to rejoin them- and training Temari in preparation for her next mission.

Everything changed, though, that evening when Gaara and Kankurou were sleeping as Temari and Hidan screeched at each other in the kitchen. Hidan was winning this time, and as he swore he stopped closer and closer to Temari, who was finally backed up against a wall. As he muttered one final expletive, though, he didn't look angry anymore; in fact, he immediately began utilizing his mouth in a much more productive manner than swearing.

And he was definitely an above average kisser.

The moment was ruined when Gaara walked in on them, intending to make himself a piece of toast. After Temari had rescued Hidan from getting Desert Coffined to death, they made the Kazekage promise not to tell anyone. No point in the citizens gossiping, after all.

Then Temari had to leave on her monster mission, to follow some missing-nin. She couldn't believe how much she missed Hidan- then again, they had been pretty much exclusively in each other's company for the past year. The entire five months she was away was torture to them both.

However, when she finally returned home (All the way from the Land of Rain), she wanted nothing more than a shower. Being as Sand girl, she wasn't used to mud, and she was _covered_ in the stuff. Gaara and Kankurou respectfully left when they saw what kind of mood their sister was in. Hidan, though, just walked to the muddy and dangerously pissed woman and told her to marry him.

She told him to go away.

He had repeated his statement.

She had slapped him.

He had smirked and repeated his statement yet again.

She finally heard him.

They both ended up laughing, breathless and rolling on the floor in a hug that quickly turned into a full-blown make-out session.

Hidan had come out of _that_ with a fiancée and two handprints on his face- he had earned his second slap for suggesting that he and Temari shower together to remove the mud.

But no matter what, Temari reflected as her husband lay sleeping, one hand over her belly which was swollen with life, she would love him. Even when he wouldn't fix the leaking roof and stayed out much too late drinking with her two brothers, she would much rather have a Hidan drunk, swearing, and at home with her than no Hidan at all.

Every time he left on a mission it felt like Suna stormed angrily, and every time he returned it felt as though the sun came back. She was whipped- as was he.

It just came down to this, she decided as their unborn child kicked away happily. She couldn't help loving Hidan, in all his swearing, lazy, obsessive glory. And that was that.

Seriously.

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**Author's Note: **My favourite crack pairing. I absolutely love this ship! 


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